Jackpot
“Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.”
Hello, dear readers!
Tonight I’m sharing a behind-the-scenes look at an experience related to my dad discovery. Throughout my writing process these last 10 weeks, I’ve scoured my notes, screenshots and photo albums for material to use in my memoir. I came across a couple screenshots from a few days before Father’s Day of 2020.
A few weeks after meeting my dad, I found out from a friend about a page on Facebook called DNA Detectives. It’s a private group where people post about their DNA related searches and results, often looking for help or advice from more experienced DNA/family tree sleuths.
Many posts were from people who were confused and desperately trying to make sense of their genetic testing results. Some other posts were from people who had been successful in finding and connecting with their birth families, but were rejected, denied, or faced suspicion from them. I lurked there for a few weeks, obsessively reading any and all stories posted, before posting my own.
Here is what I posted on this page, on June 19, 2020:
On Thursday night, April 28th, 2020, I was hit with insomnia. A new friend of mine had just told me her wild story of finding her father at age 41 through the help of AncestryDNA. I couldn't stop thinking about her and what that journey must have been like. I had taken the AncestryDNA test a few years prior for fun.
I'd been told I was Irish and German. When I originally got the results, I was surprised to find I was nearly half "Eastern European." How unexpected and fun!
The information didn't really land with any impact, though.
That fateful Thursday night, I decided to open the Ancestry app on my phone and explore until I could fall asleep. I poked around my family tree, got bored, and explored the app some more. I clicked on "DNA Matches" for the first time since I'd originally gotten my results back in September of 2017. Boom. There it is. 100% close family match with a man whose last name is Drakulic [who I’d learn was my Uncle George]. I buried the lead here since I just changed my last name to my birthright - Drakulic.
My mom was married to a man before I was born whose last name is Drakulic. The story goes that she had an affair, got pregnant, got divorced, and married the man she thought was my father. That was my life, my truth. My truth was that my dad was abusive and monstrous. My truth was that I had his blood. But thanks to AncestryDNA, I have a new truth, I'm free, and I am now a Drakulic.
My birth father is still alive and in his 80s. He took only a couple days to process the information before he reached out to me. I'll never forget answering the call. "Hi, this is your dad." Gulp. He found out he's a father in his EIGHTIES. He found out he has a 34 year old daughter who looks just like him. I drove 9 hours to meet him, and we both quietly giggled and stared at each other's faces.
I'll be driving to visit him again this weekend. His first Father's Day, and the first one I'm actually excited about.
I wasn't looking for answers, but I have them all now.
My life, my face, and my giggle make sense. I'm in the process of getting my birth certificate updated, and I just received court approval to change my last name a few days ago. I just changed it on Facebook on Friday!
I stumbled upon a new life, and I couldn't be more excited. I'm Serbian, guys. "Eastern European." Not German at all.
Below is a screenshot of the bottom of my original post, only showing the photos I included.
This is a screenshot I took on June 19th 2020, approximately four hours after I posted to the group. It had already received over 1.7k reactions, and hundreds of comments.
The responses I received were heart-wrenching and beautiful. I received hundreds of comments of loving support from strangers who had a unique appreciation for what I was experiencing.
This group made me realize just how special my story was, and how absurdly lucky I’d been. I experienced essentially zero struggles in finding my birth father, or his family, which was vastly different than the bulk of stories posted on this page.
I never had any reason to question if the man I thought was my dad growing up was actually my dad. His name was Steven, and I was named after him. I ultimately got answers to questions I had never asked. And after these answers fell into my lap, it took only a handful of days to get in touch with my real dad, Bobby, and only a few days more to meet him in person.
Of course, there’s also the fairytale element of my experiences - I was welcomed lovingly, wholeheartedly, and immediately, by him and the rest of my new family.
I was profoundly moved and a bit overwhelmed by the responses I received to my post. Shortly after posting, I texted my friend, the one who’d (intentionally) found her birth father using Ancestry DNA, and who told me about the DNA Detectives page. Something I said to her stood out, “How did I win the lottery and never even played?”
That sums it up quite well. I won the jackpot - the truth, with the mega bonus multiplier of complete acceptance.
Until next Sunday,
Stephanie
A screenshot taken a few hours after posting to DNA Detectives, with my friend who’d also found her birth dad through Ancestry DNA.
